Lifestyle & Entertainment

Shethority: “Sexism” by Candice Patton & Caity Lotz

#Shethority

🇮🇹In questa serie di interviste ci poniamo domande e cerchiamo di andare a fondo su alcuni argomenti tabù e controversi. Non abbiamo tutte le risposte, ma la speranza è di intavolare una conversazione con tutti voi. Oggi parliamo di sessismo.
Candice: In che modo il sessismo ed il pregiudizio influenzano la tua vita?
Caity: Quando ero più giovane avevo problemi di autostima perchè sentivo di non essere abbastanza carina e che per questo avessi meno da offrire. Credo che i ragazzi siano incoraggiati fin troppo nell’avere successo e lasciare la loro impronta nel mondo. Non è sbagliato, ma è una pressione che spesso rischia di far associare il proprio valore al proprio aspetto. Io ho smesso di farlo. C’è una citazione che rende bene l’idea: “Non devi essere carina. Non devi dire grazie a nessuno. Non per il tuo ragazzo/coniuge/partner, non per i tuoi collaboratori, specialmente per quegli uomini che incontrerai nella tua vita. Non lo devi a tua madre, non lo devi a tuo padre, non lo devi ai tuoi figli, non lo devi alla civiltà in generale. La bellezza non è un affitto che si paga per occupare uno spazio contrassegnato come ‘femmina’”.
Candice: L’adoro.
Caity: Spero che le cose continuino a cambiare e le bambine crescano sapendo di avere molto più da poter offrire a prescindere del loro aspetto. Ho una nipotina di 2 anni e cerco sempre di farle complimenti relativi alle sue qualità non solo al suo aspetto. Quindi invece di dirle “Sei così carina” dico “Sei così intelligente. Gentile. Forte”. Voglio che lei attiri l’attenzione degli altri per quello che è non per quello che sembra.
Candice: Per me è lo stesso. Ho una nipote di un anno e mezzo ed anche io faccio così con lei. E’ bellissima, ma a volte sentirsi dire solo questo rischia di far pensare che la bellezza è tutto ciò che si ha da offrire, quindi voglio essere un’influenza positiva nella sua vita che le ricorda che lei è molto più di questo.
🇬🇧In these interview series we ask each other questions and try to get to the bottom of some taboo and controversial topics. We don’t have all the answers, but our hope to start a conversation. This is part of one of the series on sexism.
Candice: What’s one of the most pressing ways sexism and gender bias is affecting your life currently?
Caity: I think the biggest way it’s affected me are the expectations and limitations I put on myself as a result of it. I had self esteem issues when I was younger because I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough and as a result, I was letting people down and had less to offer to offer the world. I feel like little boys were encouraged to be successful, build businesses, invent things, and make their mark in the world. Which, granted is its own pressure, but at least it’s something you can work hard at and have a chance at achieving. Whereas there’s only so much you can do about the way you look. It took a lot of self work but I stopped associating my value with my looks. There’s an amazing quote that nails all of this on the head, “You Don’t Have to Be Pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female.’”
Candice: I love that.
Caity: I hope things continue to change and little girls will grow up knowing they have so much more to offer than their looks. I have a 2-year-old niece and I try to always compliment her attributes rather than her looks. So instead of “You’re so pretty” I say “You’re so smart/kind/strong.” I want her to get attention for who she is not how she looks.
Candice: Yeah, my niece is 1 and a half and I try to do the same thing. She’s so beautiful (at least to me) and I worry that will be the predominant compliment she’ll get. Sometimes when that’s all you hear, you start to think that’s all you have to offer, so I want to be an influence in her life that reminds her she’s so much more than that.




🇮🇹Candice: Sempre più sentiamo questa frase “mascolinità tossica”. Io l’ho sperimentata nella mia vita personale e professionale. Tu? Cosa vuoi che i giovani capiscano delle donne e della mascolinità tossica?
Caity: Per chi non sa cosa significa questo termine indica gli effetti negativi creati da un uomo che sta limitando le sue emozioni ed azioni per aderire al rigoroso ruolo di “maschio alpha”. Quando agli uomini non è permesso esprimere tutte le loro emozioni, tutto diventa rabbia e si sentono sotto pressione. Penso che sia abbastanza facile vedere come ciò crea problemi. Parliamo molto di come gli stereotipi di genere hanno un effetto negativo sulle donne, ma può essere altrettanto dannoso per gli uomini. Le persone sopprimono loro stessi per uniformarsi, ma parlarne fa bene. E’ come se stessimo demolendo i muri di genere e li stessimo ricostruendo su basi più solide e di accettazione.
A volte penso a come sarebbe avere un figlio maschio e come potrei crescerlo nel modo migliore. Tu cosa credi sia importante far capire lui per imparare a rispettare le donne?
Candice: Cercherei di fargli capire la nostra forza. Le nostre complessità e confini.
🇬🇧Candice: We hear this phrase “toxic masculinity” more and more. I know I’ve experienced it in my personal and professional life. Have you? What do you want young men to understand about women and about toxic masculinity?
Caity: For those of you not familiar with the term, it’s about the negative effects created when a man is restricting his emotions and actions to adhere to strict male gender role. When men aren’t allowed to express all their emotions it all becomes anger, and they feel pressured to act as the alpha and assert themselves. I think it’s pretty easy to see how that could create problems. I’ve definitely felt the toxicity of it especially in relationships.
We talk a lot about how gender stereotypes negatively effect women, but it can be just as damaging for men. It’s like we make people fit in to a box with a label and if they don’t they are ostracized. So people over compensate and suppress their true-self, which creates problems for everyone. I think what’s happening right now with gender is going to be really good for the world. It’s like we are tearing down the gender walls and rebuilding it all to be more fluid and accepting.
I think sometimes about raising a son one day and how best to do it. What do you think is important for him to value and respect about women?
Candice: Our strength for sure. Our complexities. Our boundaries. What about you?

sessimo

🇮🇹Caity: Non mi sono mai resa conto degli effetti negativi del sessismo almeno fin quando non sono stata più adulta. Tu invece?
Candice: Anche per me è stato lo stesso. Ho riflettuto molto sul femminismo ultimamente e su come sono arrivata a preoccuparmi davvero di questi problemi e mi sono resa conto che molto è venuto da mio padre. Lui è sempre stato una persona orgogliosa e solidale e credeva che potessi fare qualsiasi cosa volessi. Mi ha trattato proprio come un suo pari. I miei obbiettivi e limiti non sono mai stati stabiliti dal mio genere o razza. Questo mi ha fatto muovere nel mondo credendo di poter fare qualsiasi cosa sognassi ed è solo divenuta grande che ho capito che c’erano uomini, ed anche donne, che non la pensavano così. Ero arrabbiata. Il femminismo non è qualcosa di cui abbiamo mai discusso in famiglia, era solo uno stile di vita in termini di uguaglianza delle donne. I miei genitori condividono responsabilità. Entrambi lavorano. Entrambi pagano le fatture. Entrambi sono rispettati. E questo è sempre stato il mio modello. Quindi quando da grande ho capito che questa non era la normalità, mi ha sconvolto.
Caity: Parlando di genitori, che cosa ti hanno detto i tuoi quando eri più giovane che ti infastidiva ed oggi capisci?
Candice: “Scegli le tue battaglie”. Sono sempre stata una combattente. Credo nella giustizia, ma da giovane volevo che ogni torto fosse corretto. Pensavo che tutte le battaglie dovessero essere le mie e mia madre quindi mi metteva sempre in guardia sul fatto che non avrei avuto l’energia per tutte ed oggi mi rendo conto quanto avesse ragione.
🇬🇧Caity: I didn’t realize some of the negative effects of sexism until I was older and then it was like a flood gate of realizations for me. From major to minor things that affected the way I thought, dreamed, and acted. What was the experience like for you?
Candice: I agree. My experience was similar. I didn’t really understand or see the negative effects of sexism till later in life. I’ve been thinking about feminism a lot lately and how I came to really care about these issues and why I didn’t see it as much when I was younger. And I realized a lot of it came from my father. My dad was always extremely proud and supportive of me. He believed I could do anything I wanted. He treated me just like my brother. My goals and limitations were never set by my gender (or my race for that matter). So I moved through the world subconsciously believing I could do whatever my heart dreamed of. And it wasn’t until I got older and into the real world that I realized other men and even other women didn’t think that way. I was angry. Feminism wasn’t something we discussed in my household, it was just a way of life in terms of women being equal. My parents shared responsibilities. Both parents worked. Both paid bills. And both were respected. And that was my model. So I was confused as I got older and saw that that wasn’t the norm everywhere.
Caity: Speaking of parents, what’s something your parents said to you when you were younger that was annoying but now you get it?
Candice: My mom would say two things that annoyed me. lol
“You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar” and “Pick your battles.” I think both of them speak to an issue I had when I was younger and something I’ve gotten better about. Naturally I’m a fighter. I believe in righteousness and justice. And boy would I fight. I wanted every wrong (at least in my eyes) righted. In my mind I had the energy to fight every battle and my mom said, “Candice as you get older you won’t have the energy, and you’ll have to choose.” Boy, was she right! I’m tired, girl.
So I’m conservative with my energy and my time. Not everything gets a response. Not everything gets a fight. And not every wrong gets righted. And that’s ok, because when the big battles hit in my life, you better believe I’m coming with everything I’ve got.




🇮🇹Candice: Qual è stata la tua relazione con le donne nella tua vita. So che molte tue amiche te le porti dietro dalla scuola elementare. Quanto è importante per te? Come fai a mantenere queste relazioni?
Caity: Non sarei quello che sono oggi senza le mie amiche. Non so descrivere nemmeno quanto sia grata di aver trovato amiche così solidali, intelligenti, spiritose, curiose e generose. Mi rendono coraggiosa. Tu le hai conosciute, come sono?
Candice: Fantastiche!
Caity: Io dico davvero quanto diciamo che ti vogliamo con noi!
Candice: Wow! Accetto volentieri!
A proposito, di recente sei andata in Italia e mi hai raccontato che in un ristorante hanno dato al tuo ragazzo un menù con i prezzi e a te no. Come ti sei sentita al riguardo? Personalmente ci sono ancora dei cliché uomo/donna che adoro e trovo romantici e tu invece?
Caity: Come dimenticarlo! A fine pasto a lui hanno dato il conto ed a me una scatola di biscotti! Però devo dire che da una parte mi ha messo a disagio. E se fossi stata io quella che avrebbe pagato il conto? E se l’uomo volesse dividere il conto? Credo che siamo in un momento interessante in cui i ruoli di genere vengono ridefiniti, quindi è un buon momento per non offendersi facilmente ed avere un dialogo aperto.
Per gli uomini credo non sia facile capire che noi donne vogliamo essere trattate come donne capaci e potenti, ma anche come fiori delicati. Personalmente mi piace quando un uomo mi aiuta con le borse, mi tira indietro la sedia quando mi siedo o mi da la sua giacca se ho freddo. Tutte le cose dolci delle vecchie tradizioni mi piacciono.
Candice: Anche io amo la cavalleria. Trovo questi gesti accattivanti.
Caity: Penso che in una relazione entrambi devono sentirsi come se si prendessero cura l’uno dell’altra. Questo può essere fatto con i modi “tradizionali” oppure no. Spetta alla coppia decidere.
🇬🇧Candice: What’s been your relationship with women throughout your life. I know you have a lot of the same friends from when you were in grade school. How important is that to you? And how to you work to maintain those relationships.
Caity: My tribe! I would not be who I am today without my girlfriends. Most of my crew have been friends and entrenched in each other’s lives since grade school. I can’t even describe how grateful I am to have found such supportive, smart, spiritual, curious, and generous friends. They make me brave because I know they have my back. You (Candice) have met them, they’re the shit right?
Candice: Your friends are amazing!
Caity: I really do mean it when we say we want you in the tribe. We’re always looking to extend the family.
Candice: I accept this rose!
Candice: So you went to Italy recently and said you went to a restaurant that gave your boyfriend a menu with prices and gave you the “lady menu” without prices. How did you feel about this? I know for me there are traditional roles men and women play that I still very much adore and find beautiful. Holding open doors for example. I’m sure for men, as women become more self assured and independent in many areas of their life, it makes it hard for them to understand what things to keep doing and what to not. What are your thoughts on that? And what are a few traditional gender roles regarding men that you still find endearing?
Caity: Don’t forget, at the end of the meal they handed him the bill and me a cute box with cookies in it! I mean I loved it, but then I was like, wait am I not supposed to like it?! It is pretty presumptuous. What if I’m the one paying the bill? Or what if the guy wanted to split and now he feels pressure? I think we’re in an interesting time where gender roles are being blurred or redefined and we’re all just trying to figure it out. So it’s a good time to not be easily offended and have a lot of open dialogue.
It must be confusing for guys. “Treat me like a powerful capable woman, but also treat me like a delicate flower and take care of me. Take charge and be a man, but don’t tell me what to do.” A guy friend told me a woman got mad at him for opening the door for her, which I don’t think is fair. If it makes you feel offended having someone open the door for you than maybe just say, “after you, please” and hold the door for him.
Personally, I love it when a guy helps me with my bags, pulls out my chair, or gives me his jacket when I’m cold. I like the idea that the guy picking up the check, but I recognize that totally unfair to have to do all the time. All the sweet things from old traditions I like, but I’m not into the women can’t work, make decisions, and are basically property of men things.
Candice: I love chivalry as well. I find all of those gestures extremely endearing. I had a boyfriend once who would open the passenger door for me to get in and buckle my seatbelt and then kiss me on his way out. I loved it every single time. I think every woman is different though. For me personally I like a man who enjoys being chivalrous because I don’t think it takes ANYTHING away from my strength. I think once that occurs, then there’s a problem.
Caity: Ya, I do wonder if that means we’re trying to have our cake and eat it too? Though, when I think about it…I guess I do all those things for people as well. If my friend is freezing I’ll give them my jacket, I open the door for strangers, help if someone has lots of bags, etc. When I’m with my boyfriend, he usually prefers to be the one doing these things for me, and it makes us both feel good. Though he doesn’t mind when I pick up the check sometimes lol.
I think it’s just both finding ways to show your love, it can’t be one sided. Both people in a relationship need to feel like you’re taking care of each other. Those can be “traditional” ways if it works for you or you can mix it up. It’s up for you and your partner to decide.

sexism

🇮🇹Candice: La parità di stipendio è un tema molto importante. Di recente ho scoperto che Claire Foy veniva pagata meno del suo co-protagonista maschile per “The Crown”, serie televisiva di cui LEI era la protagonista assoluta. Qual è il fattore/ostacolo più grande nell’affrontare la parità di retribuzione?
Caity: Mi fa impazzire quando le persone dicono che non esiste un divario salariale tra uomini e donne. E’ un problema difficile da spiegare che va ben oltre alle donne che si accontentano di prendere meno di quanto spetta loro. Succede in ogni settore, ma mi concentrerò su quello che conosco meglio. L’industria dell’intrattenimento lavora su un sistema di quotazioni, il che significa che il tuo prossimo stipendio si basa su quanto sei stato pagato per il tuo ultimo lavoro. Le donne e le minoranze hanno da sempre meno opportunità e ruoli principali e quindi meno possibilità di avere uno stipendio adeguato. Quindi anche se le cose stanno cambiando le nostre quotazioni rimangono sempre più basse di quelle degli uomini.
Candice: PUOI DIRLO FORTE!
Caity: C’è sempre questa convinzione del “dover essere grato” come se accontentarsi sia d’obbligo a fronte di un’offerta che potrebbe essere presa da qualcun altro. Come se la minoranza fosse facilmente sostituibile. Ora che stiamo raccontando storie più sfaccettate e i telespettatori le stanno sostenendo finalmente stiamo vedendo dei cambiamento reali, ma abbiamo ancora molta strada da fare. Staremo a vedere!
Candice: E’ un momento interessante. Penso ai movimento come #MeToo o #TimesUp ed altre iniziative simili che credo abbiano fatto capire alle persone che le donne non hanno paura di parlare. Le nostre voci sono potenti. Siamo veramente più forti insieme. E’ comunque un argomento complesso. Penso che si è condizionati a non parlare di salari perchè considerato non educato, ma dove ci ha portato?
Penso anche che in questo i nostri colleghi uomini possano essere di grande aiuto per la nostra lotta.
Caity: Non voglio che con questo gli uomini si sentano attaccati, perchè il femminismo non è questo. Vi amiamo ed apprezziamo ciò che fate. Ma quando ci trattate da pari a pari, ci permettete di essere donne migliori per voi, per noi stesse e per il mondo. Siamo tutti sulla stessa barca.
🇬🇧Candice: Equal pay is such a big topic right now and one we’ve discussed on many occasions. Even recently it was discovered Claire Foy was getting paid less than her male co-star for The Crown in which she was clearly the lead. How do we assure that women are being paid equal to their male counterparts in industries like ours where the lines are blurry? What’s the biggest factor/hurdle in addressing equal pay?
Caity: It drives me nuts when people think that a wage gap doesn’t exist. There are so many layers to this issue it’s hard to explain, but it goes way beyond women just needing to not settle for less than they should be getting. It happens in every industry but I’ll focus on the one I know best. The entertainment industry works off a quote system, meaning your next job goes off of how much you got paid on your last job. Women and minorities have traditionally had fewer opportunities for leading roles, so less of a chance to get their quote up. So even as the tides start to change our quotes are a lot less so we get paid a lot less.
Candice: SAY IT LOUDER!
Caity: Lol, I’ll keep going then! A lot of the decision makers in the industry, who are mostly white men, either consciously or subconsciously view white men as more valuable than women and minorities. There is this very real feeling of, “You should be grateful, and if you don’t take this offer, we’ll find some other pretty girl that will.” Like it’s just filling the spot of “love interest” or “token black guy”. Like you’re easily replaceable. Now that we’re starting to tell more diverse stories and consumers are supporting it, we are seeing some real change. We still have a lot of catching up to do but I feel optimistic about the direction we are heading. We’ll see!
Candice: (singing) “PAY ME WHAT YOU OWE ME!” I love that song.
It’s an interesting time. I think #MeToo and #TimesUp and other similar initiatives have made people see that women are not afraid to speak up. I think it’s put a lot of industries on notice. Our voices are so powerful. We truly are stronger together. It’s still a complex topic though. I think we are conditioned not to speak about pay. It’s not “polite,” but you know what? Where has that gotten us?
I also think this is where our male counterparts can be a huge help to our fight. If they used their privilege to share information about their salaries and if they used their voices to fight for parity that would be huge asset in the fight for equal pay.
Caity: I may have gone on a rant there and I don’t want men to feel attacked, because that’s not what the feminist movement is about. So to all the men out there… We love you and value everything you bring to the table. When you see and treat us as equals, it allows us to be the best women we can be for you, ourselves, and the world. We’re all in this together.




Follow on Instagram Caity Lotz HERE e Candice Patton HERE.

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18 commenti

  • 1stepfurther

    It is an important subject to addressed and both Candice and Caity are very open and honest about their opinions and experience regarding the matters. I enjoy a lot reading the conversation!

  • Danielle Wolter

    I do enjoy chivalry, but at the same time also want to be seen as the equal. I’m the breadwinner in my relationship, and my boyfriend takes cares of chores such as cleaning, etc. But he also fixes things around the house and builds things, etc. there just has to be equality.

  • Vivienne

    I love Caity and Candice and I loved the conversation they had! I love how they want to clarify that feminism isn’t an attack on men, that it’s about equality.

  • Alvern @ Success Unscrambled

    This was an awesome conversation. I never had the experience of being handed the lady menu before at least I don’t think so. I believe that chivalry should continue as it is needed in our society, my son is very good at it for which I am thankful.

  • Cindy Ingalls

    I have two nieces and also try to teach them how to be beautiful and strong, both inside and out. We as women need to learn not to define ourselves by our looks but by who we are and what we bring to the world.

  • Tasheeni

    I’ve been following both Candice and Caity since I started watching The Flash and Arrow/Legends of Tomorrow, and I have never regretted this one day. They are very inspirational women.

  • Brittany Vantrease

    As a teenager, I didn’t like chivalry because I thought it meant that I was too week that I couldn’t do things for myself. Now as an adult, I think that treating your spouse or significant other with chivalry is just respect for them and it goes both ways.

  • Candace

    This is such an important topic and one that’s incredibly worthy of discussion! Thank you for sharing this interview. We as women have so much more to offer the world than just our looks. We still have a ways to go in terms of gender equality, but I believe we’re finally on the right path.

  • Dalene Ekirapa

    So many ladies suffer the issue of self esteem especially when they don’t feel pretty enough. But I love how she says that you don’t own prettyness to anyone so you’d better stay positive.

  • Bindu Thomas

    I really enjoyed this post and it’s interesting to read about the opinions of feminism and equality. Thanks for sharing.

  • blair villanueva

    Interesting post and interview of these amazing ladies. Equality is important, but we can’t have it 100% and that’s the reality.

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